Cool
by LifeInkognito
Summary: What happens when Nerdward gets trapped in a bathroom with the girl of his fantasies, the sexy and rebellious Bella Swan?  Edward's floppy disc may turn into a hard drive.  One-Shot EXPANDED. AUH Rated M.
1. Edward Gets Laid

I miss college. And I wish I had a hot nerd to do dirty things to me. So, in honor of winter break, I present to you, Nerdward... enjoy!

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><p><strong>Cool<strong>

I stare at the luscious mahogany locks covering the back of Isabella Swan's head and try to figure out what the independent variable in this scene is. I've sat four rows above and six seats to the left of her for the past thirteen classes of Professor Banner's particle theory seminar. And today, things seem pretty much as normal as they've always been. Except that she's sitting one seat to the right, approximately five feet and nine inches away from me. That's seven and a half inches closer than yesterday.

"Bro," whispers Jasper, my best friend, nudging my arm with the end of his pencil. "If your eyes were ray guns, Bella's head would be vaporized right now."

"Fuck off," I mutter, pulling my eyes away from the object of my affections and back to the Dirac equation I've scribbled in the margin of my notebook.

I'm not mentally challenged. I'm well aware that lusting after a girl like Isabella Swan is completely useless. But no amount of logical thinking seems to be able to stop my heart from palpitating every time I so much as think about her. I was a goner, as soon as I saw her beautiful milk chocolate eyes during that first class. They were like two dark, pulchritudinous foci, pulling me into an elliptical orbit around her, and the force was too strong for me to resist. I saw her eyes, and to my great misfortune, fell absolutely and completely in love with her.

Why misfortune? Because I wasn't the_ only_ man pulled into Isabella Swan's orbit. I took a number and headed to the back of the line.

People notice her, because she's lovely, even if she seems a little rough around the edges. She has a habit of circling her eyes with thick black eyeliner, and she has a few red streaks in her hair. Her clothes are usually black and tight, leaving little to the imagination. But I can look past all that and see the beauty of the girl within. The way she dresses is just an act. She's really kind and sweet… and I like to imagine she's a virgin, too, like me, saving herself for the right guy. Although the way boys treat her contradicts that image.

I'm pretty sure Mike Newton, captain of the football team, only signed up for this class so he could harass Bella for an hour and a half three times a week. He doesn't even carry a notebook. The only things he bothers to jot down during class are doodles of erect penises engraved into his wooden desk. And when he's not doing that, he's folding his failed quizzes into inefficient paper airplanes and aiming them for the back of Bella's head.

There's also Tyler Crowley, the music major, who plays guitar, piano, and sings tenor. He wrote a love song and dedicated it to Bella at the university open-mic night. She responded by dumping her tropical smoothie on his head.

And I'll never forget the time I overheard that Eric Yorkie just walked right up to her after class and tried to grab her breasts. He's still not back from medical leave.

So I'm not going to delude myself into thinking I'll ever have a chance with her. I don't write her any songs, or throw paper airplanes at her, or grope her. I don't do anything. To Isabella Swan, owner of my heart, I am invisible.

But I can't help myself from looking. It's impossible not to. When she walks into the room, it's like she brings her own light with her. Because wherever she goes, she glows. I just like to catch that glow once in a while.

Jasper pokes me with his pencil again. "Just ask her to have lunch with you."

"I'd rather retain my dignity, thank you."

"So you're telling me you're perfectly fine knowing the love of your life has no idea you exist?"

I grind my teeth together. Jasper's right. No matter what I tell myself, I know that just looking at her isn't enough. I want to get closer. I want to talk to her. I want to touch her. She gets into my brain and drives me crazy. Once, I watched her sharpen a pencil—the way she held the long yellow shaft in her soft hands. When class was over, I picked up the pencil shavings and saved them.

I need to speak to her. I need to know, once and for all, if I'll ever stand a chance. And I need to do it today. No more hiding in the background. It's a new day. Today is the day I'm going to make Isabella Swan mine.

Thirty-two minutes later, class is dismissed, and I'm pretty sure my shirt is soaked through with nervous sweat.

My eyes dart to Bella, who's getting up to leave. I stumble out of my seat and hurry across the room.

She's slinging her backpack over her shoulders and shifting her long hair to expose the creamy skin of her neck. And I'm about to explode from desire. I can feel the blood tightening against my skin. I need to release the pressure. I just need an opening, something to say…

"Hey, Swan!" Mike Newton calls, pushing past me. I trip over my feet and brace myself against one of the lab tables to stop myself from falling on my face.

"Go away," she answers flatly.

That's what I love about Bella. She doesn't fall for idiots like Newton. Mike's used to getting any girl he wants, usually the dumb blond sorority type. But then he set his sights on Bella, and she rejected him. Now Bella's become a challenge, and he doesn't seem to be giving up.

"Are you going to the Kappa Alpha party this Friday?" he asks anyway, throwing his arm over her shoulder.

She pushes his arm away roughly. "Not with you."

"Oh, come on, Swan," he says suavely. "How long are you going to keep up this hard-to-get act?"

She shows him her middle finger, pushes the classroom door open, and walks out into the hallway.

"You're going to give in eventually, you tease!" he shouts after her. "The party! Friday!"

I wait until Mike is safely out of the classroom before moving again. Jasper walks over to me and pounds his fist against my arm. "Dude, you were supposed to _talk_ to her. That was pathetic."

Pathetic, yes. But at least I extracted some very valuable information from Michael Newton.

I have to get to that Kappa Alpha party…

To protect Bella's virtue.

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><p>Jasper tugs on his tie again. "Are we doing this or not?"<p>

We're standing on the front lawn of the Kappa Alpha house, which is littered with toilet paper and beer cans. Punk music is blasting, and I can already feel my teeth rattling.

"Maybe we should forget about this," I offer, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my pants.

"No way. You're going in there, and you're finding your girl."

The door opens, and light filters out into the driveway as a pair of girls in miniskirts and see-through tops come tumbling outside. One of the girls runs straight for the bushes and starts to puke, while the other holds her hair.

"Maybe we're overdressed," I say, looking down at myself. I'd picked out some dark pants and a white oxford shirt, the fanciest clothes I had in my dorm. Jasper had gone a step further and included a tie.

"No way," Jasper argues. "We look awesome. Come on, let's go."

We slide past the puking girl and open the front door. My ears are immediately assaulted by awful music with bass beats at such a low frequency my brain feels fuzzy, and the sounds of partiers screaming and laughing. Before I can even step entirely into the house, someone throws an empty beer bottle directly at my head. I duck and wince as it shatters against the wall behind me.

"Hey, look who it is!" someone screams. "It's the dweebs!"

Everyone in the room laughs hysterically.

Mike Newton pushes his way through the crowd to stand directly in front of me. "Get lost on your way to the opera?" he asks, swaying in his spot as he sloppily lifts his red plastic cup to take a long gulp. "I don't know if you realized… no one wants you here!"

Jasper steps in front of me. "He's not here for you," he squeaks. "He's here for Bella."

I don't think I've ever been more tempted to strangle Jasper.

Everyone laughs again, Mike the loudest. "Oh yeah?" he cackles. Then he reaches out and grabs me by the collar of my shirt.

"Hey!" I shout, swinging a fist out to hit him, but I can't reach him and end up looking like a flailing idiot.

"Come on, let's deliver the dweeb to his girl!" Mike shouts. Everyone else hollers in approval.

"Let him go!" Jasper yells, but someone just knocks him out of the way.

Despite my attempts to wiggle my way out of his vice-like grip, Mike drags me across the room to what looks like a bathroom. "Incoming!" Mike bellows, opening the door and shoving me roughly inside. He cackles again before slamming the door shut in my face.

"Fuck!" someone shouts behind me.

I turn around and freeze, because Isabella Swan is staring at me… and I must be hallucinating, because I think she's in her bra.

"Turn around!" she screeches.

Panicked, I throw my hands over my eyes and turn to face the door. "Sorry! Sorry! I… I didn't know anyone was in here. I— I can't believe I just—"

"Did you see anything?" she growls.

"No! Nothing!" I hurry, even though it's a lie. I'm still trying to erase the image of her perfect, lace covered breasts from my retinas.

"Okay, you can turn around," she hisses. Hesitantly, I uncover my eyes and peek over my shoulder. She's fully dressed again in her little black camisole and tight skirt that only reaches mid-thigh. That, combined with her wavy hair highlighted with red, and her black ringed eyes and dark lips, makes her look like Taki from Soulcalibur, the sexy ninja from one of my more risqué video games.

"Uh, hi, Bella. Hi."

She stares at me, scowling. "What the fuck are you doing in here?"

"Um…" I try to think of a way to explain my situation without sounding like a complete loser. "Just… It was kind of an accident."

"Well, get out!"

I turn around again and hastily grab for the doorknob, but it won't budge. "It's locked."

"What?" Bella hisses, walking over and pushing me out of the way. She jiggles the doorknob, but nothing happens. "God damn it! What did you do?"

"It was Newton," I blurt out. "He's just trying to play a prank on me. I'm sorry."

Bella narrows her eyes and looks me over from head to toe, taking in my appearance. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're about to go out to dinner with the Governor."

I can feel my face turning maroon. I knew I was overdressed. Embarrassed, I scramble for something that will distract her. "Why were in your bra?"

If possible, I think her face flushes a bit too. "I was cleaning my shirt. Someone spilt beer on me."

We both stare at each other, unsure of what to say next. Bella gives up first, sliding to the floor and sitting down with her legs sprawled out in front of her. "Fuck," she mutters.

I try to look appropriately upset about our situation, but I can't bring myself to frown. I'm stuck in a bathroom with Isabella Swan, the object of my fantasies. I'm trapped in a room with the loveliest woman in existence.

"So…" I say, sitting down on the floor as well. "Nice party, huh?"

She barks out a laugh, raising a dark eyebrow at me. "What are you even doing here? You don't seem the frat-party type."

"Neither do you."

She laughs again, sarcastically. "I don't?"

"Well…" I stare at her openly. I guess she does fit in with the sort of crowd that gathers here. But I know her better than that. She's smart and kind and good. "I figured you were… _above_ this sort of stuff," I say honestly.

She snorts and rolls her eyes. "Whatever gave you that impression?"

"Your physics grades."

She looks up at me sharply. "What?"

I replay the last thing I said in my head, trying to figure out what made her react like that. "Your grades…?" I repeat slowly, bracing myself for her to yell at me again.

She stares at me, recognition dawning on her. "You're that kid in Banner's class."

"The particle theory seminar," I clarify, nodding. "You always get A's."

"Yeah, well…" Bella mutters awkwardly. Then she suddenly changes the topic. "We should be trying to get out of here."

I watch as she picks herself up and starts banging on the door. "Hey! Hello?"

She bangs continuously for the next five minutes. No one answers.

"Damn it!" she grumbles, sitting down again. "Fucking Newton!" She looks at me with narrowed eyes. "Why did he do this? Does he have some sort of vendetta against you?"

I blink at her, not understanding her question. "He hates me."

"Why?"

"Because… I'm a… geek."

Bella's brown eyes trail over me for a long moment. I shift awkwardly in my spot, hating the fact that she's judging me. A minute passes before she sighs in exasperation and drops her chin to sit on her folded legs. "Why did you come tonight, really?"

I look at her hesitantly. She's not as intimidating as she was before when I barged in on her. Her scowl has faded into an inquisitive frown, and her eyes are softer. She's… beautiful.

This is the first time I've ever really talked to her. This is the first time I've ever even registered on her radar. Who knows when I'll ever get another chance like this, to really be with her? If I don't use this opportunity, then I'll lose my chance forever.

So I take a deep breath, hunch my shoulders, and say, quietly, "To see you."

"What?" Her eyes are wide, and I know she heard me.

"I came to see you," I say again, more confidently.

She shakes her head. "Why would you do that?"

"I…. I wanted to get a chance to talk to you. So I guess, in a way, getting stuck in this bathroom was kind of lucky."

Her face is blank. I immediately regret saying anything. I've freaked her out. I've ruined my chances.

"Oh," she says, and then closes her eyes and covers her face with her hands.

Idiot, idiot, idiot!

We fall into silence again. I try to think of something, anything to pass the time. Anything that doesn't have to do with Bella's breasts. I can't get them off of my mind. I'd never before in my life seen an actual breast, attached to an actual living girl. I almost want to ask Bella if I can see them again, purely for observational purposes, but I bite my tongue. I've messed things up enough already.

"Would you stop thinking about my tits?" Bella says suddenly.

I flinch. "What? Are you crazy? I didn't—there's no way I—I wasn't…"

Bella rolls her eyes. "Please. You've been staring at my chest for the past fifteen minutes."

My face must look like a tomato. "I'm sorry. It's just…" I scramble for something to say that will make me seem less creepy, but come up blank, so I settle on the truth. "You're just very beautiful. And I'm not really an expert on females."

She raises an eyebrow. "What you mean is that you've never seen a boob before, right?"

"Well, um, no. Not really."

She smiles sardonically. "Don't you watch porn?"

I choke on my breath. "I, uh—"

Bella bursts into giggles. I almost forget to be humiliated, because she's so lovely when she laughs.

We fall into silence again. Bella lies back so she's completely on the ground, staring at the ceiling. I settle back against the wall and close my eyes.

"Why do you like me?" she whispers suddenly. When I don't answer, she adds, "I mean, you don't even know me."

"I know you're kind and smart and beautiful."

She doesn't say anything. I open my eyes, and she's staring at me, her lips thin. "You really think that about me, don't you?" she asks, disbelieving.

I look at her dubiously. "Of course I do."

She shifts her gaze to the ceiling, deep in thought. Then she sits up, smiling slightly, like she's recalling a private joke. She meets my eyes, and her smile grows. "Come here."

I stare at her in confusion. We're only two feet away, and there's not much space in this bathroom. Then she pats the floor directly beside her, so I scoot closer, until our knees are touching.

"Go ahead," she says boldly.

I don't understand what she wants me to do. "What?"

"Touch them."

I blink at her. "What?" I repeat blankly.

She sighs, frustrated. "My tits. It's okay. I'm giving you permission."

My face suddenly feels like it's about to burst into flames, and I'm pretty sure I'm about to have a heart attack. "Wh—what?"

"It's okay. Just do it. Before I change my mind."

I can't will myself to do anything but gape at her in shock. She rolls her eyes again, grabs my left hand, and abruptly presses it against her breast.

My mouth falls open, and I suck in a sharp, embarrassingly noisy gasp. Black spots start dancing in front of my eyes. I close them tightly and try to regain control of myself.

I must be dreaming. Except I can still feel the roundness of her breast under my palm, and Bella's hand holding me there.

I slowly open my eyes and look down at Bella's face. She's smirking. "Wow, you weren't kidding," she says nonchalantly.

I look back at my hand and examine the situation. Her breasts aren't huge, but full enough that they fill my hand. I want to wrap my fingers more tightly around her, but I'm afraid to so much as twitch my pinky. This has to be a hallucination. This can't actually be happening.

Bella seems to understand my dilemma. Her hand, which is still holding mine, presses my palm more snuggly against her, and starts to move my palm in a slow, circular motion. The tips of my fingers graze the skin just above the top of her camisole. We both suck in a breath at the same time.

"Will you be okay if I let go?" she asks quietly.

I nod, surprised by her strangely considerate question, given the absolute insanity of the situation. Bella smiles and releases my hand, letting me continue to touch her on my own. I feel like I'm fumbling, completely unsure of what I'm doing, but she doesn't seem to mind. She closes her eyes and leans her head back against the wall, giving me time to explore.

I run my fingers over the exposed skin above her shirt again. She has such perfect, pale skin. And it's soft. I shudder, even though I'm not cold.

"It's okay," she promises me, even though I haven't said anything. I feel like we're weirdly in tune with each other. She knows what I'm thinking, and she's not laughing at me for it.

Bella covers my hand with hers again and I freeze, afraid I've done something wrong. But she drags my hand lower, down her chest and stomach, until my fingers are catching on the end of her shirt. She quickly grabs her camisole and lifts it over her head.

"What do you think?" she asks, gesturing towards herself. "Is it everything you'd thought it would be?"

I stare at her red, lacy bra, and the little bow in the middle. "You're—you're perfect."

Bella laughs quietly. "Well? Are you just going to sit there?" She throws her arms out at her sides and grins, waiting for me to go on.

I don't need to be told twice. I reach out again, this time with both hands, and cup her breasts. It's so much better like this. I can touch more of her skin, and her bra reminds me of frilly wrapping covering a present. I graze my thumbs over where I think her nipples are, and Bella gasps, her eyes snapping open.

"Sorry!" I croak, drawing back.

Bella hurriedly wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me back. "Do that again," she orders.

Eager to obey, I rub my thumb against her again. "Mmm," Bella moans. "Damn. You learn fast."

I think I could die happily in this moment, but my body is starting to want more. Sensations I didn't even realize were possible are taking over my brain. I have the strangest desire to flip her onto her back and rub my hips against her.

"Do you want to take it off?" Bella asks, opening one eye to peek at me. She's smirking.

I reach behind her and fumble with the clasp, but I can't get it undone. I bite my lip and try to concentrate. I have a 4.0 average; I should be able to remove a simple article of clothing.

Bella giggles at my pathetic efforts. She reaches behind her back and in less than two seconds, her pretty bra is loose. I slide the straps off her shoulders and throw the thing behind me.

Bella laughs and drapes her arms over my shoulders to bring me closer. "Eager, are we?" she teases.

I stare down at her perfect, pale breasts, and feel a rush of sudden confidence. Without Bella's permission, I quickly lower my head and take one of her breasts into my mouth.

"Oh my God," she gasps, her hands sliding into my hair. I smile, knowing I must be doing it right. Remembering her reaction when my thumbs brushed her nipple, I let my teeth graze over the same place. A strange, strained sound escapes her throat.

I kiss and lick and bite, not very sure of what I'm doing, but feeling encouraged by the obvious enjoyment on Bella's face. Her cheeks are flushed pink, and her lips are darker. I think she's even starting to sweat.

I switch to the other breast, and Bella suddenly tenses underneath me. She gasps loudly, her hands pulling my hair so hard I think she's going to rip a chuck off of my scalp. "Oh my God, oh my God," she murmurs.

"What?" I ask, panicked. I move my hands to her face and force her to look at me. "Are you okay?"

Bella stares at me with an odd combination of awe and confusion. "Do you even realize what you just did?" she asks in amazement.

I slowly shake my head.

She gapes at me, stunned. "You didn't even go under my skirt. I didn't even think that was _possible_."

I don't really know what she's talking about, but she looks sort of happy, so I stop panicking. A wave of pride washes over me. _I_ did that.

Bella rolls her eyes at my expression. "You're feeling really smug, aren't you?"

"A little," I say, and reach out to touch her again, but Bella shakes her head.

"Hold on," she whispers, her voice low and seductive. She pushes on my shoulders and guides me down until I'm lying flat on my back.

I watch her, confused, as she pulls one of her legs over my hips and straddles me. I try to keep my eyes on hers, except her bare breasts keep distracting me. They jiggle whenever she moves, and it's driving me insane with desire.

Bella's hands suddenly flick open the button of my pants. I jolt back into a sitting position, nearly flinging her off of me.

"Hey," she complains. "What are you doing?"

"You can't— I've never…"

Bella sighs. "For God's sake. I know you're a virgin, if that's what you're worried about."

For a moment, my pride is wounded, but then she's reaching into my boxers and grabbing a part of me no female has ever touched before. I think I black out for a second.

"Whoa there, big boy," I hear Bella say. "It's always the quiet ones."

She pulls my boxers out of the way and wraps her hand around me, slowly stroking me from base to tip. It occurs to me that she's definitely done this before, but I can't even bring myself to care. As long as she keeps doing exactly what she's doing.

"Oh, fuck," I moan. I think my eyes roll into the back of my head.

"You're not going to blow your load yet, are you?" she asks. "I'm not done with you."

It takes a moment for her words to register. Bella's asking me about jerking off. Damn, that's hot.

"Holy—" I start, feeling myself falling over the edge, but Bella suddenly let's go of me and covers my mouth with her hand.

"Don't you dare," she hisses.

"Bella, I… I'm gonna—"

"No!" she shouts. I flinch, afraid for a moment that she's going to slap me. "Think of dead puppies!"

She eases herself off of me and stands up, leaving me on the floor, panting like I've just run a marathon, my penis pointing in the air towards her like it's a north pole magnet and Bella's the south end.

I watch her through hooded eyes as she runs to the sink and opens the medicine cabinet, flinging it open. "Come on, come on," she mutters, grabbing random things and throwing them into the sink.

"Bella," I pant, "I—"

"Dead puppies!"

I close my eyes and try to picture the cutest puppies I can, lying in a pile of blood. Fuck, I can hear Bella moving around above me. I squeeze my eyes tighter and focus. Dead puppies. Dead puppies.

"Got it!" Bella cries. I open my eyes, and she's holding a little package in her hands. She grins at me triumphantly and grabs her skirt and underwear, pulling them down all at once.

"Fuck!" I can't even control my own mouth anymore. She's completely naked above me, and I'm about to lose it. And I thought vulvas were supposed to have hair.

She settles back on top of me and rips open the little package with her teeth. It's official; she is the sexiest creature that has ever lived. She takes out the condom and grabs my penis again, sliding the latex over me as quickly as she can.

"Okay," she pants.

"Bella, I—" But then suddenly I'm inside of her, and it's the most fantastic, glorious, incredible thing I've ever felt in my life.

Bella lifts herself up and slides back down, surrounding me with her warmth. Her eyes slide closed and she moans. "_Yes_."

She lifts her hips again, and it's too much. I try everything. I think of dead puppies, I think of car crashes, I think of the time I accidentally walking in on my grandmother peeing. But it's no use. Bella slides back down, and I explode into her, pulsing uncontrollably.

Bella gasps and stays still until I finish. Then we both sit silently, still attached at the hips.

"Damn," Bella mutters. "That was, um…."

"Sorry." I squeeze my eyes shut. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I swear I can last longer than that. You're just so sexy and beautiful and—"

I have to stop, because her tongue is suddenly in my mouth. I kiss her back, and it's fantastic. I can almost start to feel myself growing hard inside of her again.

She pulls back and smiles. "You're really something, you know that?"

"Sorry," I repeat, looking away from her.

She grabs my chin and forces me to look her in the eyes. "Edward," she says firmly. I stare at her, shocked. I don't think she's ever said my name before. I just had sex with her, and I didn't even think she _knew_ my name. "You just gave me a mind-blowing orgasm. Don't say sorry. Say, 'You're welcome'."

"You're welcome…?"

She bursts into giggles again, and the way her body moves makes me slide out of her. Bella quickly bends over and pecks my lips with hers. "Come on, let's clean you up."

We stand up together, and Bella watches with amusement as I pull off the used condom and wash myself with water and toilet paper. I try not to be embarrassed, because I'm still completely clothed, while she's naked. But she doesn't seem to notice. She just leans against the wall like she does this everyday.

And then it hits me. What if she _does_ do this everyday?

"Hey, Bella," I say, and she looks up, eyebrows furrowed at my tone.

"Yeah?" she asks.

I clear my throat. "I, uh… I know we really don't know each other that well… even if we just…. Uh…." Her gaze penetrates through my skin like UV radiation. I can feel my cheeks heating up again. "But, uh—" I stammer. "But I was wondering—well, that is… if you would ever considering going out with me somewhere—together. If you want."

She looks at me inquisitively. "You mean, like a date?"

"Uh… yeah."

"And you asking me this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm currently naked?"

"No… Well, mostly no. So, um, what do you say?"

Silence.

Did I really expect her to agree? Everything that just happened must not have meant anything to her. Here I was, being all sentimental when she thought it was just a casual fling. I try not to let my expression show my extreme disappointment.

"Okay," she says casually, reaching for her skirt.

"I don't— what?" I blink at her, stunned.

"When?" she asks. She grabs her bra and camisole and starts putting them back on.

I think my jaw drops a little. "Oh, um…"

"Saturday?" she offers for me.

"Saturday?"

"Saturday," she repeats. "If you're not busy."

I shake my head furiously. "No. No! Saturday's great. Saturday's perfect. I mean, the only thing I ever do on Saturday is play Halo with my friends, but you're much prettier than them." I can't believe I just said that out loud. "So, um… seven o'clock?" I squeak.

"Seven," she agrees. "But I have to be back by Sunday afternoon, okay?"

"Okay, but…" I start, and then I realize that she's just invited herself to stay the night with me. "Okay," I repeat.

Bella, now fully dressed, goes to the door and jiggles the knob. "Fucking Newton," she hisses. "I'm going to kill that bastard when I see him."

"It's okay," I try to soothe her. "I'm sure someone will need to pee eventually and—"

Bella kicks the bottom of the door hard with her heel, and the whole thing easily pops open. "Let's go," she says, smirking at me over her shoulder.

I gape at her for a moment, and then follow her outside. There are still some people partying, but the music has been lowered and everyone seems too drunk to function anymore.

"Wait," I call, running after her. She looks back at me with a raised eyebrow. "Did you know the entire time it would open if you did that?"

Bella turns around and grabs the collar of my shirt. "I had a feeling," she whispers before pressing her lips against mine again.

I don't know if she means a feeling about opening the door, or a feeling about us, but I don't care anymore. Isabella Swan, owner of my heart, notices me, and I won't stop until I have her heart too.

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><p>I hope you've enjoyed this smutastic story! Leave a comment and let me know what you think. And if you like what you've read, put me on author alert, because I may expand this story. I'm also currently preparing to release a new story, "After." Check out my profile for all of my projects. Yes, that was blatant self-pimping.<p>

ExquisiteEdward is the most fabulous, incredible beta in the universe. I love her to death. I don't think I'd get a single story finished without her. Or, at least a grammatically accurate one.

Happy New Years!


	2. Edward Gets The Girl

I love these characters a lot. This chapter poured out of me really quickly. So, for all those who asked for more... voila! Enjoy! Another 5k of pure silliness and smut.

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><p>"Wait, wait, wait. You expect me to believe Bella Swan boned you on a toilet in the Kappa house while you were both taking a dump?" Emmett, one of my best friends, pushes his glasses up his nose and frowns at me.<p>

"No!" I hurry. "We were more… _beside_ the toilet. And no one was excreting anything; that's disgusting."

Apparently he doesn't believe me. He picks up the controller to his Xbox and resumes beating up zombies.

I pull on my hair, frustrated. No one will take me seriously. I know the whole story sounds a bit absurd, but it's the truth. Last night, Isabella Swan and me did…_ it_… in a bathroom. I'm no longer a naive virgin, and want to scream it from a rooftop! But that's hardly the point of why I'm telling Emmett all of this. I step in front of the television, blocking his view of the game.

"Dude, not cool!" Emmett bellows, trying to angle his head so he can see around me.

"Are you even listening to me? I said Jasper's missing!"

Emmett reluctantly pauses the video game again. "How long has he been gone?"

"Since last night."

"See?" he says. "That's not even twenty-four hours. Can't file a police report yet. He'll turn up."

The last time I saw Jasper, he was being pummeled by a mob of drunken frat guys. When Bella and I finally got out of the bathroom, I tried looking for him, but he was gone. I assumed he'd walked home without me. But when I went to his dorm this morning, his roommate said he hadn't shown up all night. I didn't really start panicking, though, until I tried calling his cellphone. Some Mexican guy answered it, and he kept asking me if I wanted to 'come back for my fajitas'.

"He'll show up for _Halo_ tonight," Emmett assures me. "Jasper hasn't missed a _Halo_ night since… ever. Now can you move away from the TV screen? I'm about to break my high score."

"About _Halo_…" I start hesitantly. Emmett raises his eyebrows, waiting for me to go on. "I'm not going to make it tonight."

"Dude!" He stands up, dropping his game controller. I back away slowly. Emmett may be as geeky as I am, but he's still three times my size. "_Halo_ night is sacred! What in the world could you possibly have to do that's more important than _Halo _night?"

"I've got a date."

Emmett blinks at me, slack jawed. "You? A date? With _who_? Swan?"

"Yeah."

He bursts into hysterical cackles.

"I'm serious!" I try to shout, but my voice is drowned out by his booming laughter. "You know what? Forget about it!"

I slam the door to Emmett's room shut, but I can still hear his guffaws all the way down the hall.

* * *

><p>At seven o'clock, Jasper's still missing. I'm concerned, really I am, but I have more important things to worry about. Like the fact that I'm standing outside of Isabella Swan's dorm room. Remembering my faux pas at the party yesterday, I've kept it a little more casual this evening with jeans and a blue polo shirt. I quickly check over myself to make sure my shoes are tied, my fly is zipped, and my pocket protector is straight. Then I gather my courage, take a deep breath, and knock on the door.<p>

Bella answers after a few seconds, grinning. She leans against the door's archway and crosses her arms, her eyes scanning me over from head to toe. "Hey."

"Hello," I squeak. I can barely breathe. She's wearing a sparkly black dress that's so short it must violate some sort of public decency law, and these boots that reach her knees. Her hair is loose and wavy, the red streaks in it matching the shade of lipstick on her mouth. "You look… _ah_…"

Her smile widens. "Come here."

I swallow hard. The last time she said that, we ended up having intercourse on a dirty tiled floor.

She laughs at my expression, reaches out and grabs the collar of my shirt. When she's pulled me in close enough, she stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips hard against mine. Her arms circle themselves tightly around my neck, and I'm forced to bend down so she doesn't choke me. I can feel her tongue sliding against my closed lips. I gasp at the feeling, and she uses the opportunity to slip her tongue into my mouth and rub it against mine.

I close my eyes and try to focus on what she's doing. She's so experienced, and the only other girl I've ever kissed was Bernice in sixth grade, and I'm pretty she only did it because she was dared to.

"Mmm," Bella moans into my mouth, and then pulls back, keeping my bottom lip between her teeth. When she lets it go, I can still taste her fruity lip-gloss on me.

"Ugh," Bella groans. She reaches out and wipes her fingers over my lips. They come away covered in red. For a moment I think her bite drew blood, but then she says, "I messed up my lipstick."

She holds open the door for me to come inside. I do, hesitantly, trying not to stare too obviously at the contents of her room. I don't know what I expected… band posters, neon colors, sexy lingerie scattered messily on the floor. But it's actually surprisingly void of personality. Bella's penchant for bold clothes and makeup doesn't seem to reflect on her interior designing skills. Her side of the room is almost bare, aside from a metal lamp on her nightstand and the lavender comforter on her bed. Her desk, however, is a different story. It's covered in stacks of books and open notebooks. Bella walks over to it, opens a side-drawer, and pulls out a tube of chapstick. "No point bothering to reapply, right?" she says offhandedly.

"Who's your roommate?" I ask, tilting my head towards the other bed. Whoever sleeps there seems to care a little more about decorating. The bed is littered with fuzzy pink pillows, and there are a few ripped out magazine pages taped to the wall.

"Jessica Stanley," she answers. I don't recognize the name. "She's away for the weekend. Her grandmother broke her hip or something."

"Oh," I manage to say, because Bella's staring at me with that look in her eye again. "That's unfortunate."

She drops her chapstick back into its drawer. "Really unfortunate. So…" She leans back against the desk and looks at me through her lashes. "What do you want to do with me?"

I gulp, feeling a problem beginning in my pants. "Uh… what?"

"For the date," she clarifies.

"Right! Right. Dinner and a movie?" That's a typical dating activity, right?

Bella grins. "Great. Let's go."

It's a bit of a walk to the parking lot where I keep my car. When we exit the dorm building, Bella presses herself into my side. "It's chilly," she says, snuggling herself against my arm.

"Yeah," I agree, even though it's not. It must be at least sixty-five degrees, and there's no wind.

We walk for a few minutes, and Bella keeps pressing closer to me and brushing her shoulder against mine. She must be sick or something. I'm about to ask if she wants to go back and grab a jacket when she finally looks up at me, annoyed, and says, "Edward. Put your arm around me."

"Oh!" I hastily throw my arm over her shoulder.

She grins and presses a quick kiss to my cheek. "Better," she declares.

"Hey, loser!"

I turn my head automatically at the sound of Mike Newton's voice. He's standing a few feet behind us with a couple of his football friends. They must have just come back from practicing, because they're covered in grass stains.

I can feel my heart pick up steed. My fight or flight instinct kicks in—flight seems to be the winner—and every muscle in my body is ready to sprint in the opposite direction. I really don't want to be beat up and humiliated by Mike on what's supposed to be the best night of my life. But I can't just run off without Bella. When I look over at her, she seems more annoyed than frightened. "Oh, fantastic," she mutters, rolling her eyes.

"What the fuck is this?" Mike growls, walking up to us. "Are you going out with this dweeb, Swan?"

Bella doesn't answer his question. "A little birdie told me you like locking people in bathrooms," she snarls back, just as viciously.

His face is starting to turn an angry shade of red, and a vein is throbbing in his temple. "You got a problem with that?"

"Yeah." She shrugs my arm off of her shoulder so she can step even closer to him. They're almost touching.

Mike's eyes dart between her and me. "This hard-to-get thing has gone too far. I'm done waiting."

I watch, frozen in shock, as Mike's arms stretch out, ready to grab her. My legs start moving forward before I even realize what I'm doing. I'm going to rip his head clean off his body if he lays a finger on her.

But I don't get the chance. Bella's fist slams into his cheek so hard he's nearly knocked off his feet.

"Don't mess with my boyfriend, you asshole!" she screams.

"Boyfriend?" Mike spits.

Bella's knee juts forward and connects with his genitals. Mike's football friends all wince collectively as he falls to the ground, howling in pain.

"Fuck!" he yelps. "You bitch!"

"Anyone else got a problem?" she threatens, staring down Mike's posse.

They all shake their heads.

Bella smiles sweetly. "Wonderful." She turns her back on them and walks over to where I still stand, blinking at her in shock. "Let's go, Edward."

She grabs my arm and drapes it over her shoulder again. Then she pulls me forward, away from the sounds of Mike's pathetic whimpers.

"How did you do that?" I whisper, still too stunned to speak at full volume.

She looks up at me innocently. "Do what?"

"You just pulverized him!"

"Oh, that. My dad was a cop. He taught me a few things." She holds up the hand she just punched Mike with. "See? Barely left a mark. It's all about how you form the fist."

I thought I was in love with Isabella Swan before, but now I realize I've only been seeing the very surface of who she is. She can be sweet, or tough, or smart, or feisty. I want to ask her a million questions, until I know everything about her. But I hold my tongue. Dissecting Bella will take time, and I'm willing to be patient.

When we reach the parking lot, I lead Bella to my car and open the passenger side door for her. She beams at me as she slides into her seat, and I swear I see pink creeping across her cheeks. But I blink, and it's gone.

It's a short ride to the restaurant I've picked out. Bella grins excitedly. "_Bella Italia_?" she laughs.

"I thought it was fitting."

She leans across the seat and kisses my cheek. But apparently that's not enough, because when I turn my head towards her to ask her if she's hungry, she surprises me with another deep, ardent kiss on the lips. I'm definitely becoming obsessed with the fascinating things she can do with her tongue.

"Let's go inside," she says when she pulls away. She quickly unbuckles her seatbelt and gets out of the car. I clear my throat, a useless attempt to gather my wits, and follow her.

"A table for two, please," I tell the hostess when we get inside.

She stares at us, a puzzled look on her face, as her eyes drift between our faces and our joined hands. "Of course. Follow me," she finally says.

We're brought to a small booth in the corner of the room. I settle myself into one side and wait for Bella to take the seat across from me, but she surprises me by sliding in beside me and pressing her body against mine.

The hostess coughs. "Um, your waiter will be right with you."

"What should we get?" Bella asks, opening her menu. "Hmm, I think I'm feeling pasta-ish."

I watch her as she reads the menu. She's so incredibly beautiful. Strands of her wavy hair are falling around her face, and she's biting her lip as she thinks. I remember how it felt when she bit _my_ lip, and that problem in my pants draws my attention again.

Dead puppies. Dead puppies.

The waiter comes over and asks to take our orders. Bella orders ravioli, and I ask for the fish entrée.

"I'll be right back with your salads," he says, but lingers at the table for a moment. Just like the hostess, he stares between Bella and me with confusion. I know what he's thinking: What is _she_ doing with _him_? He walks away, his eyebrows still furrowed.

I flinch at the unexpected feeling of Bella's leg sliding against mine. "So," she says casually, as if she doesn't even realize what her foot is doing, "what are you planning to do after school? You're a physics major, right?"

"Right," I agree. I try to keep my attention on the conversation, and not on the feeling of the soft leather of her boot stroking my ankle. "I want to work in a laboratory that deals with energy. I have a lot of ideas about alternative—"

Bella's leg wraps itself around mine, and I'm overcome with the desire to pull her against me and touch her like I did last night.

"Alternative…?" Bella asks, encouraging me to go on.

"Alternative fuel sources," I finish. "What about you?"

"I'm an English Major," she says simply. "No plans after that."

I can't imagine it's possible that Bella has no idea what to do with her future. She's too intelligent, and she has so much potential. Any employer would be lucky to have her. "No plans at all?" I clarify.

She shakes her head. "I hear English degrees are pretty useless anyway."

"Then why do you do it?"

"Because it's what I love—reading and writing, that is," she replies. Her eyes glimmer in a way I've never seen them before. I see her passion written all over her face.

The waiter comes back with our salads. I notice the way he glances at Bella's chest as he sets her plate in front of her. _Mine_, a voice inside my head growls. I don't take my eyes off of him until he's back in the kitchen.

I turn back to Bella, wanting to distract myself from my sudden jealousy. "Want to see a trick?"

She smiles, leaning her elbows on the table and pressing her chin into her hands. "Sure."

"I can get this olive into the glass without touching it."

I grab an olive from my salad and place it on the table. Then, taking my empty glass and turning it upside down, I set it down over the olive. I start moving the glass in a slow, circular motion, until the olive is sucked into the glass and starts to spin in fast circles. I lift the glass, and it continues to spin inside of it.

"Cool," Bella says, grinning. "Centripetal force?"

"Yeah. When I rotate the glass, there's enough inward directed force to make it spin. It keeps rotating because it's drawn to the center. You know, centripetal force can also— "

Bella interrupts me with another kiss. She tastes like the balsamic dressing from her salad.

"_Ahem_," coughs the waiter. "You're dinner."

Bella pulls herself away from me and shifts back to her side of the booth, smirking ruefully. "Looks delicious."

The rest of the meal passes quickly. We talk a bit more about our classes. Bella tells me about her scatter-brained, impulsive mother who lives in Florida. I share an anecdote about the summers I used to spend at science camp as a kid. And I try, with great difficulty, not to stare at the way Bella licks sauce off of her lips. Or bites into a breadstick. Or takes slow sips from her glass of water.

The waiter comes with the check all too soon. He sets it down in front of Bella and winks at her before leaving.

"I've got it," I say, taking the bill from her. I open it up and prepare to throw my credit card inside, when I notice something. The waiter's left his phone number scrawled on the bottom of the receipt.

"Fuck," I mutter. He can just forget about his 15% tip.

"What?" Bella asks curiously.

I shake my head. "Nothing."

She rolls her eyes. "Let me see." Before I can react, she swipes the receipt away from me.

"Wait," I hurry. "Bella..." If she sees it, who knows what she'll do? Maybe she'll decide she likes the waiter better than me. He seems like a more conventional choice for a girl like her. He's not bad looking, so he's probably had girlfriends in the past and knows how to treat a woman. He must have lots of friends too, and popular ones at that. Mike Newton would probably even like him.

"Hmm." She thins her lips as she sees the handwritten note the waiter left for her. Then she flips the piece of paper over and slams it back on the table. "What a jackass," she murmurs.

I blink at her. "Really?"

"I'm obviously on a date," she sighs. "Come on, let's get out of here."

If I wasn't in love with Isabella Swan a moment ago, there's absolutely no doubt of it now.

Half an hour later, I pay for our tickets to an evening movie. I'd suggested some stereotypical romantic comedy I assumed women like, but Bella countered with the suggestion of seeing a foreign film.

"Do you speak French?" I ask her as we sit down in the back of the small theater.

Bella smiles at me wryly. "Not a word."

"Then how are we going to watch the—"

She grabs my hair and pulls my face down to meet hers. Her soft lips press against mine, her tongue peeking out from between them and seeking entrance into my mouth.

As she continues to kiss me, I realize she must have chosen a movie she won't understand on purpose. She wasn't planning on watching it at all.

The problem in my pants, which I'm beginning to think of as 'Little Eddie', is very pleased with this turn of events. But my mind can't help but overanalyze the situation. There are plenty of other people in this theater. Is it right to participate in such public displays of affection?

The movie starts, but we hardly notice. Ethical or not, I'm not about to deny myself the chance to touch Bella. Her kisses make my mind go blank. I feel like I'm being tossed in an ocean, waves crashing around me, over my head. And I have no intention of fighting them off. I'll gladly drown if it means I get to feel this way for a little longer.

"Mon amour, je ne veux pas vous quitter," whispers the heroine of the movie.

Bella breaks away from our kiss for a moment and glances at the screen curiously. After a few seconds, she gives up on it and pulls my lips back to hers.

"Vous devez aller. J'ai besoin de vous protéger."

I can feel Bella's face tilting slightly towards the screen. She keeps kissing me, but I can tell her attention is somewhere else.

"Laisser! Exécuter dans la forêt!" The heroine slams a door loudly, and Bella jumps at the sudden noise. Our lips part with a funny sound that reminds me of a suction cup.

I watch Bella as she stares at the film, entranced. Her eyes widen as the heroine sprints through a shadowy forest, tripping over branches and stones. Her hands grab the edges of her seat tightly, and her lip slides between her teeth.

Little Eddie is shouting in protest. Just a moment ago, it seemed as if he was finally going to get some relief. Hoping to redirect her attention, I slide my hand over one of Bella's.

She doesn't look away from the screen, but her palm flips over and her fingers entwine with mine.

I sigh, sending mental condolences to my raging erection. I won't be finding any satisfaction right now. But watching the expressions on Bella's face almost makes the physical discomfort worthwhile. She loves the movie, I can tell. She said she doesn't know French, but every time one of the actors speaks, she hangs on their every word.

When the film comes to its climax, the heroine's love interest has just been stabbed and he's dying in her arms. "Je vous ai aimés à chaque instant depuis notre rencontre," he whispers weakly, lifting a hand to stroke her cheek.

I glance at Bella just as a tear escapes her eye. I watch it fall down her cheek and catch on her lip.

The movie ends on a sad note. When we leave the theater, Bella still has tears in her eyes. It's a side of her I've never seen before. Where is the girl who beat up Mike Newton? They can't be the same; I can't fathom it.

The entire ride home, she can't stop talking about the movie. "But Adrienne was so close to saving him! If she hadn't trusted her brother, they could have lived happily ever after!"

I wish I knew what she was talking about. I hardly saw any of it. But I smile and nod, hoping she'll keep talking. She's incredible like this. Her passion and excitement is contagious.

"And I didn't expect her uncle to be behind it all! I can't believe he would betray his niece like that!" Bella tells me as I walk her into her dorm building. "They were all out to get her. Everyone was forcing their love apart."

"But they never gave up on each other," I say, smiling down at her as we reach the hallway just outside of her room.

Bella sighs. "You're right, they didn't." She glances at the door, as if just realizing we're back. "Thank you," she tells me. "I had a great time. Really."

"My pleasure." The words barely escape my lips before Bella grabs the collar of my shirt and pulls me in for another fervent kiss.

"Come inside," Bella tells me when she pulls away. She reaches into her bag and finds her key to unlock the door.

As soon as the door closes behind us, Bella's lips are on mine again. Her hands reach up to touch my chest, her palms warm even through the fabric of my shirt. Then her fingers start to slide lower, pressing tantalizing against my skin, until she reaches the top of my belt. She finds the buckle and quickly starts to undo it.

"Wait," I murmur into her mouth. Bella doesn't stop, so I put my hands on her shoulders and pull her a few inches back.

She looks up at me, surprised. "What is it?"

"We don't have to… well, you know."

Little Eddie is pissed at me for interfering, but I don't want to force Bella into anything she doesn't want. I remember how she was in the movie theater, trying to ignore her desire to watch the movie in exchange for kissing me. I don't want her to think she owes me anything physical when we're together.

"You don't want to?" Bella asks, grimacing.

"No!" I hurry. "Trust me, I do. But I don't want you to think we have to."

She rolls her eyes. "Come on, Edward. You think I don't want to?"

"I…" The truth is, I'm not sure. I can't be very good at it. I've figured all of the affection she's been showing me was more for my benefit than hers.

"I want to," she whispers, looking at me through her lashes. "Edward, I want to."

She steps closer and reaches out for me, running her fingers gently over my biceps. It feels sensational. I press my lips together to hold back an embarrassing moan.

"Edward," she murmurs, her breath fanning around me. "Take me to bed."

I'm tempted to fling her over my shoulder and drag her onto the mattress caveman style. But I have to be certain. I summon all of my will power and ask, my voice hoarse, "Are you sure?"

Bella looks up and meets my gaze, smiling slightly. "Very."

I can't hold out any longer. All of the tension from the evening—the kiss at the door when I came to pick her up, her foot stroking my leg in the restaurant, our hands curled together in the movie theater—come back to me in a flood of emotion.

I wrap my arms around her waist and lift her off her feet. Bella gasps, grabbing my shoulders, giggling in anticipation as I carry her towards the bed and drop her onto the middle of it. She grabs my shirt and pulls me down with her, until I'm lying on top of her, propped up on my hands.

I bend down and capture her lips. I think I could stay like this forever. I can feel every inch of her pressed against me.

Bella giggles into our kiss. I back away, frowning. "What?"

She presses her lips together to try to hide her laughter. "Your pocket protector is poking me in the ribs."

"Oh!" I quickly sit up and fumble with it, feeling my cheeks turn red from embarrassment.

Bella's hands grab mine, halting their movements. "No need," she tells me. "I'd much rather you take it all off." And to prove her point, she grabs my shirt and pulls it over my head for me.

Even though we've had sex once before, Bella's never seen me bare-chested. I stare at her, watching her expression carefully. I know I'm scrawnier than most guys. I've tried going to the gym, but my muscles haven't seemed to get any bigger. It's never really bothered me, but now I'm suddenly wishing I'd done a few extra sets with the weights last time I worked out.

"Better," Bella declares, grinning up at me with that glint in her eyes again. I'm starting to recognize what that look means.

Bella's hands run over my chest, her fingernails grazing my skin very slightly. I watch as she leans over, her breasts lying against my chest, and presses a warm, open-mouthed kiss against my collarbone.

"Fuck," I groan. My muscles give out, and I fall backwards onto the bed. Bella crawls on top of me, her legs straddling me on either side.

Pleased with her new position, she looks down at me, her thick, wavy hair falling around her face. "I've got something for you," she murmurs, bending over to capture my lower lip between her teeth.

My hands move on their own accord, tangling in Bella's hair and bringing her closer to me. I could go on kissing her like this for eternity, but she stops me, pulling back. I groan, stretching my arms out to bring her back, but Bella shoos my hands away. "Trust me," she whispers. "You'll like this present."

I let my head fall back against the bed. My breathing's too shallow to form words, so I just nod my head and wait for her to go on.

She beams at me, pleased with my response. Then she starts to move her hips, wiggling herself lower. I'm pretty sure I know where she's headed. Little Eddie is ready to burst out of my pants and meet her half way.

But she slides right past the place I want her to be most, sitting on my thighs instead. I watch her small hands as they finish removing my belt and pull it out of the loops on my pants. Then she flicks open the button of my jeans.

I wait eagerly, ready for her to reach into my pants like she did yesterday, but she doesn't. Instead, she slides her hips lower and lower until she's sitting on the end of the bed.

I groan in frustration. I want to touch her, I want to feel her, and I don't think I can muster any patience. Bella, oblivious to my torment, starts to untie my shoes and pull them off. When my feet are bare, she looks at me with a grin. "You owe me for yesterday."

I don't have the slightest clue what she means until her hands suddenly grab the belt loops on either side of my pants, and in one swift motion she's able to completely remove my jeans and boxers. Just like yesterday, one of us is completely bare while the other is fully clothed, except now the roles are reversed. I can't bring myself to feel embarrassed; I want her too much. My erection springs upwards, ready for what comes next.

Bella's hands move to her own dress. She lets her fingers drift across her body with a feather-light touch. They skim past the curves of her breasts, over the planes of her stomach, past her hips, and end at the edge of her dress. Carefully, she pulls the garment over her head and drops it onto the floor.

She's left wearing the sexiest lingerie to ever be invented. The lacy bra is light blue and translucent, giving me a tantalizing glance at the darkened nipples behind it. Her thong matches, but I don't really see the point in wearing the tiny piece of fabric because it barely covers anything. Bella unzips her boots and peels them off before looking at me again. "I picked them out for you," she tells me.

I struggle to find the words that will explain how I feel. I want to tell her she looks like an angel, and that I'm so grateful for the chance to be near her like this, and that I'm certain I'll never love anyone like I love her. But all I can muster is a quiet, "You're beautiful…"

We both move towards each other at the same time. I sit up and gather her into my arms as she captures my lips in another heated kiss.

"Edward," she whispers against my mouth. "I want you…"

All I can do is nod in agreement.

I watch, mesmerized, as Bella dips her hand between her breasts and reaches for something in her bra. Grinning, she lifts her hand and shows me the little foil package.

She rips it open with her teeth again and sits back so she can roll it onto my erection. I close my eyes, overwhelmed by the feeling of her soft hands on me. When she finishes, she slips off her thong and quickly scoots back onto my lap, locking her arms around my shoulders.

Her wet folds graze against the tip of my erection. We both moan at the same time. Bella grabs my hands and places them on her hips as she wraps her legs around my waist.

At last, Bella lifts her hips. When she lowers herself back down, I can feel myself sliding inside of her. She's warm and wet and incredible. I close my eyes, trying to keep myself focused. At this rate, I'll lose it faster than I did last time.

Bella starts with a slow pace, gradually speeding up as we both adjust to the new sensations. "Mmm," she moans, closing her eyes and dropping her head to the side.

I have a clear view of Bella's breasts from this angle. They look so tantalizing covered in the fabric of the lingerie. I glance at Bella's face, noting that her eyes are still closed, and then lower my head to meet my goal. I know I should probably remove her bra before I do this, but I'm too impatient to bother struggling with the clasp. So I press my lips around her nipple through the lace.

Bella gasps sharply, her grip around my neck tightening. "Oh, God."

I try to distribute my attention equally between both of her breasts. It's a bit harder with the bra in the way, but Bella doesn't seem to notice. She moans and hums with pleasure. I can feel her growing even wetter against my erection as her pace quickens.

And then I feel two things happen at once. Bella's head falls back and she cries out in what I think sounds like bliss. At the same time, I feel her body clench around me, engulfing me in her wetness.

"Oh, Edward," she whispers, panting as she lays her head against my shoulder. "Edward."

I hold her hips and help her keep her pace steady, even though I can tell she's tired. I can feel myself growing closer to my own climax.

"Edward," Bella pants again. My gaze darts to her face, and her dark eyes are watching me.

I press a kiss against her forehead. Bella sighs, tilting her chin so I can find her lips.

I'm so close. The sounds of Bella's gasping breaths, the feeling of her upper lip cradled between mine, the slick wetness encompassing my erection… it's all too much. I tighten my grip on Bella's hips and angle her so I can penetrate her more deeply.

"_Ah!_" A cry escapes Bella's throat in a hoarse whisper as she feels me enter her entirely. "Oh, Edward, I'm…_Oh_…"

Her folds clench around me again, and I can't hold back anymore. My vision turns black, stars flying past my eyes as I release into her. Bella's shallow breaths are close to my ear. Soon, my vision returns, and Bella and I are sitting together in a tangled heap, heaving like we've just run a marathon.

"Holy crap…" Bella mutters against my ear.

We stay still for a long moment, catching our breaths. Then Bella slowly lifts her hips and lets me slip out of her. She reaches down, pulls the condom off of me, and drops it into the trashcan beside her bed.

"Come on," she sighs, lifting her comforter and crawling underneath it.

I join her, scooping her into my arms and against my chest. I've never felt more like a man. I'm almost certain I just gave Bella two orgasms, and I'm pretty sure that's a good thing. I hide my grin against her hair, trying not to be too smug.

"Edward," Bella murmurs, curling closer against me. "You really are something else."

I press kisses against her hair and temple and breathe in her flowery scent. It reminds me of freesia and strawberries.

"I'm going to want you again in the morning…" she breathes, already half-asleep.

I'm pretty certain it's going to be the opposite way around. Little Eddie, who's wedged against Bella's leg, is already waking up again.

It's going to be a long night.

* * *

><p>Sorry if the French sucks. I tried my best (And when I say that, I mean I used Google Translate).<p>

As always, let me know what you think. I'm planning on writing one more chapter to sum up this one-shot-gone-wild. Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter! You guys are awesome.

Thanks to my pal, Julesaj11, who likes any excuse to make a Polyvore. I put links on my profile if you're curious what the characters are wearing.

And I have to write a special thank you to my fantastic friend and beta, ExquisiteEdward, who handed back this chapter not even an hour after I sent it to her. She is the most awesome beta in the universe, and I pity the rest of the fanfiction authors in the universe that don't get to have her.


	3. Edward Gets His Friend

__*Taps microphone* Is... is this thing on?

Yes, it's been a while. But for those of you who haven't forgotten about Edward, here's the next chapter. It was quite big so I split it, so yay for a future part 4! You won't be waiting another few months for the conclusion, don't worry. I'll be quick about it.

And for fans of The Viking's Woman, I'll be posting soon as well.

Than you to my fabulous beta ExquisiteEdward! I love that girl to death!

And thanks to Leibeezer, a fan of this story who never let me forget.

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><p><em>Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.<em>

A thick fog slowly clears from my mind as I wake up from the deepest sleep of my life. I squint my eyes tightly together, trying in vain to hold onto my dream. Five seconds ago, I'd been plowing myself into Bella Swan on top of a lab table in the physics department, and I'd like to be able to, uh, well… finish.

But the buzzing is only getting louder. Annoyed, I attempt to roll onto my other side, but my path is blocked by something warm and solid.

"Mmhph," a voice grunts. Two small hands press against my chest, pushing me onto my back. "Edward... you're… crushing me..."

Startled that I'm not alone, I open my eyes, but all I can see is brown hair. It's all over my face. "Fuck," I mutter, lifting a hand to wipe it away, but my arm is being pinned down underneath something heavy.

"Edward!" The hair suddenly slides away from my face, and Bella Swan is blinking down at me with that unmistakable look of confusion and mild annoyance that says she just woke up.

I rub my hand over my face, trying to figure out whether I'm still sleeping. Bella and me are sharing a bed, and from the look of it, she's completely naked, so all signs are pointing towards dream. And a good one at that.

"Bella?" I mutter inarticulately.

She leans down and softly presses her lips against mine. "Morning," she mumbles into my mouth.

Fuck, I can feel her breasts… her perfect, glorious, naked breasts. We had sex last night. Again. I'm in an actual sexual relationship with Bella Swan. Have I disturbed the space-time continuum and fallen into an alternate reality?

She deepens the kiss, crushing her lips against mine, curling her fingers into my hair. She's so warm and soft. Alternate reality or not, she's perfect, and I can't help but wrap my arms around her waist and pull her flush against me. She's small and slim, but her curves fit so nicely against mine.

I can't keep my hands to myself; on their own accord, they trail over her hips and follow the line of her spine up to her shoulders. Bella moans—which may just be the sexiest noise on the planet—and shifts her thighs, brushing against Little Eddie. He's been awake longer than I have, just waiting for an opportunity like this. Maybe Bella will want to start where my dream left off.

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._

Bella pulls her mouth away and peers around the room. "Your phone's ringing."

If it's my mom calling again, she's just going to have to wait. "Ignore it," I say, flipping us over so she's suddenly underneath me.

She smirks, her dark hair spread out all around her on the sheets. "I've created a monster."

I can't disagree. "Just call me Sexenstein."

She bursts into giggles and—oh boy—Little Eddie takes notice of the friction occurring between our lower halves. So does Bella. She grabs my shoulders and pulls my mouth back to hers.

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._

"Ugh," Bella grunts as we pull away from each other. We both glance down at the discarded clothes we threw on the floor last night. The vibrations from my cellphone are making my pants inch their way across the floor.

I look for something to cover myself with, a blanket or something to wrap around my body, but the only one I see is the one covering Bella. So I grab her purple throw pillow and awkwardly hold it over Little Eddie as I scramble out of bed. No way am I letting her see my morning wood.

Bella gives me a thin smile, but I can tell she's trying hard not to laugh. "Edward, you know I've already seen it, right?"

I roll my eyes and adjust the pillow again, trying to ignore her chortles as I awkwardly bend down and fish my phone out of the pocket of my jeans. It starts to ring again just as I flip it open. "Hello?"

"Where the fuck you been, dude? I've been calling you for the past half-hour!"

I move the phone a few inches away from my ear to keep my eardrums from exploding. "Jasper?"

Damn it. I'd totally forgotten about Jasper, my best friend who'd inexplicably gone missing during the frat party on Friday. I've probably been a horrible friend to go this long without making a real effort to look for him, but Bella's been a bit of a distraction. Well, more than a bit. A nuclear bomb could probably detonate next to me, and I'd be too distracted by Bella to notice.

"Look, man, I need your help," he hisses.

"Why? Are you okay?"

He exhales loudly. "Just pick me up. _Now!_ I'm at the corner of Fynn and Grove Street."

"Wh—" I start to ask, but I'm interrupted by the beeping of the dial tone.

"Who was that?" Bella asks from behind me.

I turn and she's propped up on one elbow, the sheets gathered at her waist. Does she know what she does to me? Maybe she's _actually_ trying to kill me. I cough into the back of my hand and try to remember what she just asked. "My friend, Jasper. He said he needs me to pick him up."

Bella sits up and the sheet falls even farther. "Don't worry, I need to get to work anyway."

Little Eddie's disappointed; the odds were looking so good for him a few minutes ago. But I guess reality was bound to catch up with me eventually.

And then my brain starts working overtime. What's going to happen during class on Monday? Is she going to ignore me again, pretend nothing ever happened? Will she sit next to me? Could I hold her hand? Could I tell people she's my… girlfriend?

Bella startles me out of my thoughts when she flings the blankets away and stands up, gloriously naked. How does she do shit like this without even batting an eye? She breezes past me, all her creamy skin exposed for my eyes to see, and goes to her wardrobe to find some clothes.

I drop the pillow. Okay, so maybe that was a bit pointless. I think Bella's become quite accustomed to that part of me by now. I watch her out of the corner of my eye as I change back into my clothes, trying to catch one last glimpse of her breasts before they disappear under a white bra.

As she slips on a black skirt, she glances at the clock hanging on the wall. "Damn. I'm gonna be late. I have to catch the next bus in ten minutes."

"Where do you work?" I ask sheepishly. We probably should have covered this stuff on the first date.

"I waitress," she informs me as she grabs a red polo shirt and slips it over her head. I read the logo on the pocket just as she says, "_Fundito_. It's downtown."

"Yeah, I've heard of it," I tell her, trying to imagine Bella serving plates of steaming Mexican food on a platter. It's hard to create a decent mental image, though, because I'd never been inside the restaurant. It's one of those quirky, cool college places that sorority girls and jocks liked to hang out in. Not even close to my league.

"You know," I say as I mournfully zip my fly shut, "Jasper said he's right around that area. I could drop you off if you want, after I get him."

"Really?" Bella gives me a mega-watt smile. I think my heart stops for a second. "That's so sweet of you."

I try to shrug it off, because really, it's not a big deal. Any chivalrous guy would offer the same. But Bella seems to think it's a lot more than that. She drops the jean jacket she was about to slip on and lunges at me, catching me completely off guard. Thank Isaac Newton the bed is only a few steps away, because gravity sends us tumbling down onto the mattress. It completely knocks the breath out of me, but then Bella's half-straddling me, her lips a centimeter from my own. ""I had a really great time with you last night, Edward."

All I can do is nod. Bella closes the distance and slowly kisses my bottom lip, running her tongue across the length of it. Shit. I groan and close my eyes, praying that for once, just _once_, Little Eddie will keep his fucking mouth shut.

She pulls back again, and her cheeks flush a light shade of pink. It's so out of character for her that I have to blink a few times to make sure I'm seeing right. "Really. Thank you. For everything. For the _date_. It was fun."

And then her lips smother mine in a full-blown smooch. For the first time in years, my mind goes totally blank. If someone asked me to solve a simple p=mv equation, I probably wouldn't even be able to tell you what the symbols stand for.

"Mmm," Bella moans, and then pulls away. Her lips are all dark pink and full. "You're a good kisser, you know."

No, I didn't know. In fact, this is new information completely, since our kisses so far have consisted mostly of Bella grabbing me, and me praying my tongue is heading in the right direction.

She smirks at my confused expression. I think she finds it amusing that I'm not the most experienced guy. Maybe she's got a weird fetish for socially awkward men. It would explain a lot.

"We should go," she says, glancing at her clock again as she slides off of me. "Is half an hour enough time to pick up your friend?"

"Plenty," I say, and lean back to admire the view as she grabs a comb and smoothes out her sex-hair. The sex-hair _I _gave her. Damn, maybe I'm better than I thought.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later we're driving through town in my Volvo. Bella keeps fiddling with the radio, trying to figure out which stations annoy me by how tight my jaw is. She was appalled when she realized my default channel was a political talk show.<p>

I pull up to the corner of Fynn and Grove Street just as Bella settles on a heavy-metal song. Before the screeching guitars and screaming voices can give me a headache, I turn off the ignition, and the radio falls silent. "Where the hell is he?" I say aloud.

There's nothing here but a couple of office buildings. Jasper's nowhere in sight. But I'm certain he said this was the place. I check my phone again. No new messages.

"Wait here for a second," I tell Bella as I open my door. She shrugs and leans back in the seat.

I walk around the street for a few moments, peering into the alleyways. Still nothing. I'm grabbing my phone to give him a call when I hear an ominous whisper come from the backstreet behind one of warehouses. "Over here…"

The disembodied voice takes me by surprise. "What the fuck!" I shout, nearly jumping out of my skin. I turn swiftly on my heel and peer around the alley, but there's nothing but a dumpster. "Jasper?"

"Get over here!" his voice hisses impatiently.

I take a step forward and then hesitate. Isn't this just the kind of stupid move the first victim in a horror movie makes before he gets hacked into pieces? I peer down the empty, shadowed alley, looking for a sign of him, but there's nothing around but a dumpster. "Where are you?"

I hear someone shifting around, and then Jasper peers around from the side of the dumpster. He must have been huddled up behind it. "For fuck's sake!" he growls, waving his hand at me.

I don't know whether to be concerned or amused. I walk around the dumpster and find him sitting on the dirty ground Indian-style, scowling at me with annoyance. But that's not the weird part. The weird part is that his pants are gone. And his boxers. His polo shirt is still there, but it's covered in what looks like food stains. And… what is that _smell?_

"Holy shit!" I manage to yelp, but I can't think of anything else to say beyond that. Really, what does one say in a situation like this?

He narrows his eyes. "Just give me something to cover myself with, okay?" he grumbles.

I lift up my hands in a useless gesture, showing him that I don't have anything on me. Does he expect me to give him the clothes off my back?

He's about to start telling me off when footsteps echo into the alley. "Edward?"

Jasper turns white and flattens himself against the brick wall. "Are you fucking kidding me? You brought a chick with you?"

"Edward, are you okay?" Bella asks, walking towards us.

I turn to her and hold up a hand. "Yeah. Just… stay where you are."

Naturally, she doesn't take my request seriously. "What the hell's going on?" she asks, pushing right past me. "Who were you talking t—" She stops suddenly, her eyes widening. "Oh my _God!_"

I rush up to her and grab her arm, pulling her away from the spectacle before her. No way is my sort-of-girlfriend getting a front row seat to a viewing of my best friend's penis. "Don't look!" I order as authoritatively as I can muster.

She's too busy holding her stomach, cackling uncontrollably. There's no point trying to rush her away—she's obviously seen everything there is to see.

"Bella—" I try to get her attention, but I'm not sure she can hear me through her hysterics.

"What the hell is a _chick_ doing here?" Jasper shouts at me. He's still hiding behind the dumpster.

His screaming, combined with Bella's giggling, is starting to give me a headache. "Everybody just _shut up!_"

Bella throws a hand over her mouth and smothers her laughs. I turn to Jasper. "You want to explain what happened to your underwear?"

He rolls his eyes. "Can we get out of here first? Give me something to cover myself with!"

It would have been helpful if he'd mentioned bringing spare pants with me when we talked on the phone. "I don't have—"

"Here," Bella interrupts, shrugging out of her jean jacket and holding it out.

Jasper reaches around the dumpster and grabs the jacket, then adjusts it around his waist so his lower half is somewhat covered.

Going back to the car is the most awkward minute of my life. Jasper's junk isn't on display anymore, but he still looks pretty ridiculous with Bella's jacket wrapped around him like a makeshift diaper. Thank goodness no one's out in the streets. Even so, he keeps turning his head and crouching down like he's about to be discovered. And Bella, she's trying so hard not to laugh, her cheeks are bulging.

When we get to my car, Jasper immediately goes for the passenger seat in the front. "Hey. Back of the car," I tell him, pushing him out of the way so I can open the door for Bella.

Jasper grumbles but otherwise stays quiet as he slides into the backseat. He sighs with relieve at being off the streets.

Locked inside the car with him, the weird odor is stronger than ever. I wave a hand in front of my nose as I crack the windows open.

"You smell like turd," Bella says blatantly.

Jasper scowls but stays silent.

"So," she goes on, "are you gonna explain, or do you strip in public frequently?"

"Maybe I do, Swan. What's it to you?"

"Jasper!" I hiss. "Would it kill you to stop acting like a dick for five minutes?" Things with Bella and me are still new; the last thing I need is his rudeness fucking it up for me.

He scowls. "I've had a rough day, okay?"

Thank god, the uncomfortable car ride ends fairly quickly. I pull up on the side of the road in front of _Fundito_.

"This is my stop," Bella says, turning her head to peer over the seat at Jasper. "Keep the jacket, okay? A gift from me to you."

He adjusts the denim, but doesn't look up at her.

Bella clears her throat and looks back at me. "I'll call you."

"Yeah," I say, trying not to look too eager. "Have, um… have a good day at work."

Her lips curl upward into a smile. "Thanks." I wait for her to open the door and leave, but she doesn't. She looks at me expectantly, her eyes glimmering with amusement. "Don't I get a kiss?"

Right! I'm allowed to do that now. I lean forward and focus on pressing my mouth against hers, as softly as I can manage. But Bella will have none of it. Her hands grab my hair, pulling on it as she pushes her tongue against my lips.

"Mm," she moans as she shoves my shoulders backwards. For such a petite girl, she's really very strong. Or maybe I'm just helpless to fight back. I'm pushed against the side of the car while Bella leans across the console, half in my lap.

"Um, not to interrupt, but I'm still sitting back here. Half-naked. I don't know if that makes this awkward…"

Bella quickly ends the kiss, shifting back onto her side of the car. She smoothes a hand over her hair. "Okay, I really have to go." This time she does open the car door. I watch as she walks out and heads towards _Fundito_. Before she goes inside, she waves at me over her shoulder.

"What the _hell _was that?" Jasper asks, shaking me out of my Bella-induced haze. "Dude, you banged Swan, didn't you?"

I cringe at his choice of verbs. "It's none of your business."

He snorts. "I'm your best friend. Come on, man, you have to tell me. Did you do the deed?"

I know most guys wouldn't hesitate to brag about winning a girl like Bella, but talking about it out loud just feels… wrong.

My silence seems to be enough for Jasper. "Damn! Bella Swan. You lucky bastard! She _hot!_ I bet she's an animal in the—"

"Shut up!" I bellow. I know what people think of Bella, but I'm not going to stand by and let my own best friend talk shit about her. "It's not like that, okay? It's not just about… _sex_."

"Clearly," Jasper deadpans. "She was all over you. What the hell happened? Last time I saw you, Newton was locking you in the bathroom."

I'm not about to tell him the sordid details. "Are you going to explain where your clothes went?" I ask instead, hoping he'll be distracted.

He leans back in the seat and sighs, looking out the window. "Dude, it was incredible."

"Well?" I press, trying to breath through my mouth. That smell he brought into the car with him is getting worse.

He grins. "After Newton got a hold of you, one of his jock buddies, Ben Cheney, grabbed me and went to throw me in the closet, but this chick stopped him."

"A girl?" I ask disbelievingly. A girl stood up against a gigantic football player? For Jasper?

"Alice." He says the name reverently, almost dreamily. His smile widens. "Man, she was something else. She just grabbed Ben by the arm and demanded he let me go. And you should have seen this girl, she was scary. Little, but fucking scary. She was one of those goth types, you know? With the black hair and spikey necklaces?

"Well, she kept yelling out these threats like how she was going to rip the nails off of Cheney's fingers, but he just ignored her. So she kind of jumped up in the air and brought her foot down on his. She was wearing these really pointy black platform shoes. Anyway, he let me go, but she just kept coming at him. She kicked him right in the nut sack, had him cradled on the floor crying for his momma. Then she grabbed my hand, and we took off running. I was going to look for you, I swear, but I knew if I went back in there, Cheney would dice my ass up and shove it in a shoebox in the top of that closet. So Alice said she and a few of her friends were going downtown to a club, and that she needed a date because her ex-boyfriend was going to be there, so I—"

"You just left?" I cut in. "For all you knew, Newton was still torturing me!"

"I know!" he groans. "But I was scared. I'm sorry, man. Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?"

I sigh. Okay, I probably would have left too. Cheney was a pretty scary guy—he was covered in hair like a Gorilla. I wave my hand for Jasper to go on.

"So, she drove me downtown, and we went to this club, but it was some underground thing. All dark and shit. And the crowd was weird. Alice kept handing me drinks and she was being all flirty and stuff and we were both getting pretty tipsy and one thing led to another…"

"You had sex with her?" I ask in disbelief.

"No," he says quickly. "I mean, we went back to her place and there was a lot of, uh, touching going on… But we didn't do that."

I raise my eyebrows.

"It's true," he insists. "Her dad's a minister. Alice hangs with a weird crowd, but she's not like that."

The way he refuses to say anything bad about her reminds me of how I always thought of Bella. She had an image, but I never believed that was who she really was. "I get it. But that doesn't explain where your pants went." Then I sniff the air again. "What the hell is that smell?" I ask as I roll the windows down another couple of inches.

His cheeks redden. "Well, I spent the weekend hanging out in her room with her. But I thought I should do things right, you know? Take her out on a date. So I asked her if she'd let me take her out for breakfast this morning."

"And?" I push.

"We were in that diner across the street, just eating, when this big buff guy walks up to us and starts shouting so loudly that the manager walked over and asked us to take it outside. It was Alice's ex. Anyway, they were fighting and shit and he just kept getting in my face, saying he was gonna kill me for touching her. She was trying to stand up for me, but he's a scary guy, dude. I think he was serious. I was trying to not start anything, but he was looking for a fight."

"So what happened? This still doesn't explain why you're naked."

"I'm getting to it," he mutters. "Turns out he was eating with a couple of his friends. They came out to see what happened, and then they decided to gang up on me. They attacked me, man. Pinned me down and stole my pants."

Holy crap. I gape at him. "And no one called the police?"

"Do you see any police cars?" he deadpans. "It was so quick. Then they threw me in the dumpster. That shit was nasty."

"I thought it smelled like a dumpster in here!"

"Sorry. Anyway, my cellphone fell out of my pocket, I guess, because I found it on the side walk after they left."

"And where's Alice?" I ask. "She just left you?"

"She agreed to go with her ex if he left me alone." His face turns pale. "That dude's not right in the head. I don't even know where they went."

I blink at him. "What are you going to do?"

Jasper shakes his head slowly. He looks more serious than I've ever seen him. "I don't know, man. I don't know."

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><p>Thank you for reading, as always. Let me know what you think.<p>

Follow me on twitter at LifeInkognito for updates on my writing progress, teasers, and the occasional random comment.


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